The Bipolar Otaku

Okay, well, the night was starting out pretty well. Since P asked K to help at the teen bible study tonight, I took the night off to go visit the newlyweds, who got back from Hawaii yesterday. But, when I was talking with P this afternoon, she asked if I could drop by afterward, not for any real reason or anything, just because. P and I have always felt connected because at the beginning of the year, we both felt like outcasts on the Core... everyone else kind of just fit together really well and we stood back and wondered why we were there.

Anyway, I went to my brother's house. So, I had dinner with them and her parents and we looked at all of their digital pictures and movies. They gave me a pineapple, a Hawaiian shirt (my first and only - surprising for a guy nicknamed "Maui"), and a half pound of freshly roasted Kona coffee - really good stuff. Life is good.

But afterward, I decided to head over to the church and see if they were still there. They looked like they were still discussing things, so I decided not to interrupt, but instead just hung out outside. Not soon after, they came out and I talked to the teens for a bit. Not only was P and K there, but so was C and E and I guess D was there earlier! 4 teens, 5 Core members... considering the fact that when I was talking with P earlier, we both agreed that any more than 2 Core members for the teen bible study is an overkill, this just seemed like a way way overkill. I guess K just decided to invite everyone else. Whatever. I guess it went pretty well, so that's fine.

Since I was talking to the teens, I barely managed to give C a hug, say hi to E, and wave to K. I heard K ask E "Do you want to go to ___ for coffee?" and the three of them split. This is just a few hours after I offered to record the season finale of House for her (since she was going to be at the teen bible study and not watching it). Well, at least P was happy to see me. After all, I was going there to see her in particular.

I shouldn't be upset. I really have no grounds to be upset. That being said, I am really upset.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Cor 13:4-8a

I'm not sure what I feel... or I should say, felt. But clearly, it was not love.

Wonderful... the last thing I need right now are shards of hatred entering my life. I'm happy to be leaving tomorrow. I think it's time to unplug for a while. I think it's time to escape for a while. I think... no. no, that's not thinking. just stop. let it go. please just let it go.

Life is not so good. I need to talk to someone... Mama P. I'll call her tomorrow.