The Bipolar Otaku
The Random Musings of Dreistul - Slurpees, Fuzzy Bunnies, Anime, and Lithium...Monday, May 02, 2005
Musings from Traverse City
Wireless access doesn't work from the room, so here's a day's worth of blog entries...
Monday, May 2, 2005 – 2:41pm
Our last Life Night was last night. We had a grill and served up some burgers and dogs and then had the students and some of the adults play some games. And since this was our youth minister’s last Sunday in town, we duct taped him. I bought 32 rolls of duct tape, just to be sure that everyone who wanted to get involved, could. It was a fun night, I guess. I was kind of out of it. I would say, “I wonder why.” but I think I’ve got a good idea, even if I don’t really want to say it. It really comes down to things that I haven’t said, and probably won’t.
After the night was done, I really didn’t feel like leaving. Many other people didn’t either, so we all just sat around and talked some more. I eventually left around 11, knowing that I still have a 4-hour drive that night…
So here I am up in Traverse City, staying at my sister’s time share. Supposedly they have wireless internet access, but it seems they only have one antenna, over in the office building, which is at the other end of the complex. So instead, here I sit, typing my thoughts in MS Word. But I need to write something… I have to get the thoughts out.
We went walking around the downtown area this morning. There is a hat shop, and I bought myself a nice, black felt “Mad Hatter” style hat and a nice wood-handled black umbrella. A bit expensive, but they look pretty cool.
However, while I was in another store, I got a phone call… some credit agency trying to come after me for a Discover card opened in 1998. I never owned a Discover card. I guess I have to write them a letter to state this, but I just really really don’t want to deal with this right now. I really don’t want to deal with anything right now, but I suppose the “real” world just won’t pause for anyone, not even manic depressives.
I did hit my 17th Michigan brew pub. North Peak Brewing Company. Their pale ale was very “eh”… I didn’t finish it, but that was partly because I knew I shouldn’t have anything more to drink. Probably did enough damage on Friday and Saturday. Alcohol is such a subtle depressant, isn’t it?
In some ways, it’s probably a good thing I don’t have internet access right now. I just bought a new PDA the other day, a Dell Axim x50v with accessories like extra batteries, an external keyboard, a GPS unit… And I still want to buy more stuff. Like a ultra-compact digital camera – I’m looking at the Canon SD500, and possibly buying a water-proof case to go along with it (though it would be cheaper to just buy a disposable waterproof camera and then pay to have it scanned). I’m thinking about getting that film scanner I’ve always wanted. I’m thinking about getting a portable printer that can fit in my laptop backpack. I’m seriously thinking about buying one of those expensive lightsabers that make all the cool sound effects. Why do I want to buy stuff now? I guess I’m hoping that having these stupid things will fill the emptiness in my life of the things I can’t get. The really stupid thing is that I know that this is what my mind is really trying to do to compensate, and I know that it’s all useless and that me wasting my money will only drive me to be depressed over every penny I spend… but I don’t care – I want to do it anyway.
Anyway, time for a nap…. Sleep will help, I hope.
Monday, May 2, 2005 – 5:10pm
No more alcohol until the wedding. It’s a depressant, after all. I should be bright and chipper for the wedding, so no more until then. My sister still wants to go to a vineyard while we are up here, and that’s fine, but no drinking.
I just walked the beach… it’s cold out there! I brought my umbrella with me, not to protect from rain, but just in case those seagulls attack. I saw them gang up on a family this morning… I’m glad I wasn’t them.
Hmm… I don’t even get a Verizon signal on my cell phone up here… I can’t even check my email from my cell phone. I feel so disconnected. I have to get used to this… I know I can’t get a signal in Brampton either.
Oh yeah… last night, when I was saying goodbye to our youth minister (if I haven’t mentioned it before, he is moving to Branson, Missouri this week). He told me again how amazing the transformation inside of me has been. He admitted that, at the beginning, he was ready to kick me off the team. Back then, I said something honest, I think that I really was hoping that the experience with the teens would really help me come to terms with my faith. A selfish, but completely honest, statement that he thought was a bad sign. But, he told me that he prayed about me, and that God told him that he should let me stay. He said had been really glad that for that decision. I’m glad too. Where would I be, without all of these people? Probably more lost and disillusioned than I had ever been before.
Monday, May 2, 2005 – 10:16pm
My sister has been asking me what’s wrong, and I’ve just been saying that I don’t want to talk about it.
Instead, after dinner, we took a drive around the Leelanau peninsula. Of course, it was already past dark, so it wasn’t really scenic or anything. The speed limit was 55, but you could never really get past 45 on most of the turns. However, it was enough to achieve one of my mind-blanking states that I get in when I get lost while driving.
Now I have to start working on the stupid CDs… For the wedding, they are giving a CD with some songs meaningful to them. I burnt all of them while my sister printed labels, so now we have to stick the labels on each of the CDs… exciting! I think it’s time to go take a walk with my laptop and try to see if I can get a signal, closer to the offices.
Monday, May 2, 2005 – 2:41pm
Our last Life Night was last night. We had a grill and served up some burgers and dogs and then had the students and some of the adults play some games. And since this was our youth minister’s last Sunday in town, we duct taped him. I bought 32 rolls of duct tape, just to be sure that everyone who wanted to get involved, could. It was a fun night, I guess. I was kind of out of it. I would say, “I wonder why.” but I think I’ve got a good idea, even if I don’t really want to say it. It really comes down to things that I haven’t said, and probably won’t.
After the night was done, I really didn’t feel like leaving. Many other people didn’t either, so we all just sat around and talked some more. I eventually left around 11, knowing that I still have a 4-hour drive that night…
So here I am up in Traverse City, staying at my sister’s time share. Supposedly they have wireless internet access, but it seems they only have one antenna, over in the office building, which is at the other end of the complex. So instead, here I sit, typing my thoughts in MS Word. But I need to write something… I have to get the thoughts out.
We went walking around the downtown area this morning. There is a hat shop, and I bought myself a nice, black felt “Mad Hatter” style hat and a nice wood-handled black umbrella. A bit expensive, but they look pretty cool.
However, while I was in another store, I got a phone call… some credit agency trying to come after me for a Discover card opened in 1998. I never owned a Discover card. I guess I have to write them a letter to state this, but I just really really don’t want to deal with this right now. I really don’t want to deal with anything right now, but I suppose the “real” world just won’t pause for anyone, not even manic depressives.
I did hit my 17th Michigan brew pub. North Peak Brewing Company. Their pale ale was very “eh”… I didn’t finish it, but that was partly because I knew I shouldn’t have anything more to drink. Probably did enough damage on Friday and Saturday. Alcohol is such a subtle depressant, isn’t it?
In some ways, it’s probably a good thing I don’t have internet access right now. I just bought a new PDA the other day, a Dell Axim x50v with accessories like extra batteries, an external keyboard, a GPS unit… And I still want to buy more stuff. Like a ultra-compact digital camera – I’m looking at the Canon SD500, and possibly buying a water-proof case to go along with it (though it would be cheaper to just buy a disposable waterproof camera and then pay to have it scanned). I’m thinking about getting that film scanner I’ve always wanted. I’m thinking about getting a portable printer that can fit in my laptop backpack. I’m seriously thinking about buying one of those expensive lightsabers that make all the cool sound effects. Why do I want to buy stuff now? I guess I’m hoping that having these stupid things will fill the emptiness in my life of the things I can’t get. The really stupid thing is that I know that this is what my mind is really trying to do to compensate, and I know that it’s all useless and that me wasting my money will only drive me to be depressed over every penny I spend… but I don’t care – I want to do it anyway.
Anyway, time for a nap…. Sleep will help, I hope.
Monday, May 2, 2005 – 5:10pm
No more alcohol until the wedding. It’s a depressant, after all. I should be bright and chipper for the wedding, so no more until then. My sister still wants to go to a vineyard while we are up here, and that’s fine, but no drinking.
I just walked the beach… it’s cold out there! I brought my umbrella with me, not to protect from rain, but just in case those seagulls attack. I saw them gang up on a family this morning… I’m glad I wasn’t them.
Hmm… I don’t even get a Verizon signal on my cell phone up here… I can’t even check my email from my cell phone. I feel so disconnected. I have to get used to this… I know I can’t get a signal in Brampton either.
Oh yeah… last night, when I was saying goodbye to our youth minister (if I haven’t mentioned it before, he is moving to Branson, Missouri this week). He told me again how amazing the transformation inside of me has been. He admitted that, at the beginning, he was ready to kick me off the team. Back then, I said something honest, I think that I really was hoping that the experience with the teens would really help me come to terms with my faith. A selfish, but completely honest, statement that he thought was a bad sign. But, he told me that he prayed about me, and that God told him that he should let me stay. He said had been really glad that for that decision. I’m glad too. Where would I be, without all of these people? Probably more lost and disillusioned than I had ever been before.
Monday, May 2, 2005 – 10:16pm
My sister has been asking me what’s wrong, and I’ve just been saying that I don’t want to talk about it.
Instead, after dinner, we took a drive around the Leelanau peninsula. Of course, it was already past dark, so it wasn’t really scenic or anything. The speed limit was 55, but you could never really get past 45 on most of the turns. However, it was enough to achieve one of my mind-blanking states that I get in when I get lost while driving.
Now I have to start working on the stupid CDs… For the wedding, they are giving a CD with some songs meaningful to them. I burnt all of them while my sister printed labels, so now we have to stick the labels on each of the CDs… exciting! I think it’s time to go take a walk with my laptop and try to see if I can get a signal, closer to the offices.
posted by JT # 10:34:00 PM 
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