The Bipolar Otaku

So I officially have no internet service inside my house. My cable modem and digital cable box has been returned and service cancelled to save me money. My Verizon card is no longer allowed on their network due to overuse. If I want to check email or download stuff, I have to go to a local coffeehouse or Panera Bread or go visit my mom.

I'll try dealing with this for 40 days. Then I'll see how it works out for me and reconsider internet option and needs. It is actually a good thing to not have it. I used to waste too much time on the web, so now I have more time to pray, to study, to spend with my girlfriend, to read, and to sleep.

I cancelled my cable modem and decided to just use Verizon's Wireless Broadband. But what good is a broadband connection if you're only allowed to surf the web and check email, but aren't allowed to download music or watch streaming video... I guess it's in the contract that I'm not allowed to do that kind of stuff, so they are cancelling my access on Monday. So, as of Monday, I will no longer have internet access at home.

I might spend a while only using other people's free hotspots, then I'll decided whether I want to re-activate my Comcast account or anything like that.

I had my sleep study last night. It's nice to have all sorts of wires stuck around your face and scalp. It helps to make sure that you don't sleep much, since they had to come back in every 15 minutes or so and re-apply the electrodes...

I'm soooo tired.

I hate lying. Every time I do it, my guts twist around and my conscience rips me apart.

Hypocrasy is worse. Saying the truth but living the lie. I'd probably feel better having my skin ripped off or nails driven into my head.

But still I lie sometimes. I lie to myself, I lie to others, in my words or in my actions. I twist and distort truths and lead others to do things that they shouldn't, lead them to live my lies.

This just proves my insanity.

But there is hope - change.